how can u be prego again
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
