3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need help removing her.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
