Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
