Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
