im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This baby is an asshole
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
