D3 body, D1 cock
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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