the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
