What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
