Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize