Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
