Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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