I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
