Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
