halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
