I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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