mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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