My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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