I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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