You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
