You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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