I can tuck mytits in my pants
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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