My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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