dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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