Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
