Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
