he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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