I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
