dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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