Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize