I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
