You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
