When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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