dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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