Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
