Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
bring money and cleavage
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
