SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
