so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
only you would photoshop your dick
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
