I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
