Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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