I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
