when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
