Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
its liver damage thursday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
