I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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