I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
