I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
sex in a hospital.. check
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
