Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
