im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
