You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
