I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
