I want to make a zoo with you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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