My balls are so social today.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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