You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
