How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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