New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
