idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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