Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
