I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
