Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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