it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
