Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
