fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
