Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
