I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
