can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
