Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
