We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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