Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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