No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
