My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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