...so i touched it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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