He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
