Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
