So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
