I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
