Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
