I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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