Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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